A Girl On A Mission: How To Write A Personal Mission Statement!

“Now that it’s all over, what did you really do yesterday that’s worth mentioning?” (Coleman Cox)

Put this in your diary: “In 2012, I will write a personal mission statement.”

...But why would you want to do something like that?! Well, let me tell you a few reasons why writing a personal mission statement is important & useful. Firstly, it’s a fantastic way to figure out what your values are. This way, when you’re feeling bogged down with email, projects or meetings, you can quickly think back to your mission statement & be able to figure out whether what you’re doing today is relevant to what you want to achieve. The second reason why a mission statement is helpful is because it’s hard to make things happen when you don’t know what you really want! To get things done, you have to start with the end in mind, & a personal mission statement will help support your goals in a wonderful way.

If a “personal mission statement” sounds too heavy, you have my — our — your own — permission to call it something else. A statement of intent. A manifesto. Your quest, on paper. A vision communiqué. A declaration of fabulousness!

I know that the whole idea of this might sound incredibly serious & permanent. But it doesn’t have to be. In fact, the best mission statements change & evolve as you do. The things that were important to you five years ago may no longer be pertinent, & that’s wonderful! (It means you are progressing & growing!) So don’t feel like committing something to paper means you are bound to it forever. You’re not.

Another thing to keep in mind is that you don’t have to complete this in a day, or even a week. It might take you some time to put together your own mission statement. In fact, I’d be inclined to say that the more time it takes you, the better! Allow your brain lots of time to percolate & germinate the ideas! Start with a rough outline & fill it in over the rest of the month. Make this exercise something you create time for every day.

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“A personal mission statement becomes the DNA for every other decision we make.” (Stephen Covey)

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How to begin: Grab a piece of paper & your favourite pen. Get seated somewhere comfortable & write down some questions. I like these ones, but they’re just examples to get your juices flowing. There are no hard & fast rules with this!

I am at my best when… I am at my worst when… What do I really love to do at work? What do I really love to do in my personal life? My natural talents & gifts are… If I had unlimited time & resources & knew I could not fail, what would I choose to do? My life’s journey is… What would people say about you on your 80th birthday? What do I consider to be my biggest future contribution to the most important people in my life? Are there things I feel I should change or alter, even though I’ve dismissed these thoughts many times? What are they? Imagine you could invite to dinner three people who have influenced you the most. Write their names & the one quality or attribute you admire most in these people. Let’s think of balance as a state of fulfillment & renewal in each of the four dimensions: physical, spiritual, mental, & social/emotional. What are the single most important things you can do in each of these areas that will have the greatest positive impact on your life & help you achieve a sense of balance? What are your values? What is most important to you? What are some goals you’d like to achieve this year? What kind of image do you hope to project? Is it similar or dissimilar to the image you’re projecting right now? What are your roles in life? Are you happy with them?

Allow your mind to wander around these questions & scrawl down anything that comes to mind. It really helps if you can be open-minded about this, & not censor yourself. No one else has to see this, so please feel free to be completely honest!

Another great thing to add to this piece of paper (or multiple pieces of paper!) is a selection of quotes or sayings that evoke strong feelings or fan passionate flames within you. From doing this, you can start to see patterns around what is really important to you.

From here, you can pick key phrases as well as words that seem to keep coming up, & weave them together to make a first draft of your personal mission statement. There are no rules: simply put words together & see what appears in front of you.

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“Let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love.” (Rumi)

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Want more inspiration? Your mission statement doesn’t have to be straight-forward or plainly-spoken. It could be in the style of a haiku if you like! Erma Bombeck’s mission statement is written in the format of, “If I had my life to live over, I would have…”This site has a bunch of examples to look over. Debra Moorhead provides some more questions you can ask yourself, as well as some short & sweet mission statements to inspire you. Here are some mission statement sentence templates for fill-in-the-blank type fun!Work Awesome has a great piece about the art of the personal mission statement, too.

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“Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart.” (Carl Jung)

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Alternatively, if you’d like to try an automatic personal mission statement generator (!!!), FranklinCovey has a free one you can try! (You have to give them your email address, but that’s no biggie.) It’s a fantastic way to get your thoughts going & investigate the truth of who you are, & who you want to be. I think the results are quite rad, too. Here’s what mine spat out:

“I am at my best when I am working on things which inspire, inform & excite others. I will try to prevent times when I feel confined or hedged-in. I will enjoy my work by continuing to create, dream big, connect with others, & share my vision. I will find enjoyment in my personal life through taking photos, travelling, having adventures & exploring. I will find opportunities to use my natural talents & gifts such as writing, creating, inspiring, uplifting others & speaking. My life’s journey is to love myself, & to inspire other women to love themselves too. I will be a person who has inspired countless others to take control of their lives, think big & live according to their own rules… My most important future contribution to others will be to show people that they can live however they want to, & that there are no rules. I will strive to incorporate confidence, creativity & chutzpah into my life.”

This was a great place to start from, but I wanted a shorter, simpler statement. Thankfully, I was able to whittle it down over the course of a few days!

Vision. Confidence. Chutzpah.
Wild dreams & radical self love.
Curiosity, wonder & spontaneous delight.
Seek magic; adore the moment.
Dare to be true; dare to be eager.
Emancipate, & above all,
be a love letter to the universe.

I wrote my mission statement in big gold letters & stuck it to my wall, above my desk, where I can see it every day. I’m going to use it to guide my goals for 2012, to help keep me on task & remind me of my purpose.

It will help me navigate through the small day-to-day things, & give me perspective. A simple glance at my mission statement will help me decide whether to say “yes” or “no” to the opportunities that come my way. It’s the perfect way of distilling my ambitions & aspirations, of focussing my intentions, & manifesting my ideal future.

The fact that this piece of writing exists relaxes me. It reminds me that what I want is really quite simple, & to get there, all I need to do is be true to myself…

I hope you write a personal mission statement this year, too!

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“To come to be you must have a vision of Being, a Dream, a Purpose, a Principle. You will become what your vision is.” (Peter Nivio Zarlenga)

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Post taken from: galadarling.com :) happy reading, learning, growing and loving your life !!

Avoiding Creeps

Photo by Danz In Tokyo.

“Hey baby!”, wolf whistles & lecherous looks are just something you have to deal with as a woman. Right?

Nobody likes to be yelled at in the street, whistled at, or otherwise ogled. I know that a lot of women are nervous to leave the house wearing a short skirt, high heels, a low-cut top or anything that could be perceived as “slutty”. It really angers me that people aren’t able to dress however they like because of other people’s stunted social prowess.

I have been on the receiving end of all this nonsense myself. It is awful. Really awful. Sometimes it can be quite terrifying — not the yelling itself so much, but more what it says about the people doing it, & the risk it poses to me as a girl.

However, over the past few months I have become far more aware of myself & the impression I give to the world. (I wrote a little bit about this in my article What Does Your Clothing Say About You?) The more I learn, the less negative attention I receive on the street. It’s not because I’m getting ugly or I’m dressing in a more conservative fashion — in fact, these days I am far happier showing more of my body, because I’m actually happy with it for the first time in years. Also, a lot of women find that they get yelled at regardless of what they’re wearing.

The reason the number of incidents has declined is because of how I conduct myself.

I walk in a very assertive, confident way. I have a fast walking pace (I always have; I can’t help it!). I stand up tall, my shoulders back. There is a spring in my step. I give off a very strong message: I’m happy, I’m not scared of you, & I’m not an easy target.

It’s basic self-defence. If you were a predator, or just a generic toss-pot, & wanted someone to hurt, upset or get a rise out of, who would you go for? Someone who looks like they won’t fight back. Someone who looks unsure, nervous, someone who is hunched over, hiding from the world. If you project a strong image, more often than not, people will leave you alone.

But how can you project a strong image when secretly you’re terrified that some guy is going to grab you or yell at you?

Fake it.

Think of someone who walks like they own the pavement — then imitate them. After a while, it will change from imitation to real, actual confidence. I used to use this tactic when I was at a party & feeling introverted — I would think of my friend Jenno Soprano, who is always having a time to remember. I know it sounds overly simplistic, too easy to work. Trust me when I say that it works a charm.

The other thing you can try is a little bit kooky, but bear with me, because in my experience it is pretty much foolproof. Before you leave the house, take a deep breath & imagine there is a zipper running up your body, starting at your pubic bone & finishing just underneath your nose. Visualise yourself zipping it closed, working your way upwards. Then go out, & do whatever you feel like. I cannot begin to tell you how incredibly effective this is in terms of keeping away weirdos, creeps & other undesirable people. Even if this sounds a bit crazy to you, try it & see how you go. You can zip yourself up as often as you like, every minute if it makes you feel more secure.

When I do either of these things (or especially if I do them in tandem), people still look at me; I can still feel their attention. But somehow, it’s like I’ve hit the mute button. They don’t make a peep. They are exceptionally well-behaved. It makes my world a better place. I hope it for works for you, too.

The post has been taken from: galadarling.com.

Negative People !

Photo by Kayepants

In my most recent Style Tips piece, one of the suggestions was “expunge one negative person from your life”. I have since had a couple of people ask me for help with doing this. It’s not my standard subject matter but it’s all about what you want, my darlings! Let me know if you enjoy this or want further information, okay?

The supremely negative are obvious — they have a puckered-up mouth from years of scowling, they whine a lot, they complain, they are blind to anything good happening in the world, & they want to take you down with them. However, sometimes negative people are hard to spot, until you step back from the situation. They talk smack about everyone, including you, under the pretense of “being your friend” & “honesty”. “I’m only saying this because I care about you!” they protest, after sticking a carving knife in your back. (Honesty is one thing, but when people use “I’m just being honest” as an excuse to be tactless & cruel, I’d like to just put them over my knee.)

It’s really easy to end up with a lot of negative friends, especially when you’re in your teens or early twenties. Everyone is so insecure & unsure of themselves, it is easy to accept anyone into your life, & especially a negative person, since if they’re “on your side”, you (theoretically) will never be the person they tear into. The problem with this concept is that negative people are on no one’s side but their own. Nobody is safe.

Misery loooooves company, baby, & sad people exist solely to pull you down to their level. If you have ambitions & actually want to make something of your life, having the sad patrol around you is only going to make it more difficult. You don’t need that.

It is important to remember is that everything around you influences you in one way or another. If all your friends have eating disorders, it is likely your eating will become disordered also. If your boyfriend gets angry in traffic, you will probably find yourself road raging along with him. If your best friend vocally hates on men, you will also learn disdain for them. The reason for this is that humans have what are called mirror neurons, the same as monkeys. What this means is that as a species, we learn from watching & imitating people. Mirror neurons have been an important part of our evolutionary survival, & because of this, they work unconsciously at all times.

You know where I’m going with this, right?

Though you may have no intention of becoming like the people around you, if your mother is miserable & your girlfriend is homicidal & your best friend is a misogynist, you will unconsciously begin to mimic & imitate all these behaviours. Unless you want to be miserable, the best thing you can do is extricate yourself from these types of people.

I used to be part of the misery brigade. I thought that happy people were stupid, dumb, annoying. I thought that being sad, not eating & having constant drama in my life made me a more interesting person. I didn’t want to be “normal”, I wanted to be different goddamnit, & I was willing to suffer to be that way. Well, I have learned the error of my ways. Being happy doesn’t make you normal — in fact, happy people are in the minority. It is easy to throw your hands up in frustration & be tragic & defeatist. It is also incredibly boring. People are probably really sick of your whining & criticism. It’s not clever, it’s dull — which is the ultimate crime.

So, how to deal with it?

Say your friend’s primary interest is gossiping & being awful about other people. A typical exchange between the two of you would be something like this:
Your friend: “Ugh, look at that girl! She looks like a gorilla, how can she stand to look at herself?! If I was her I would beg someone to shoot me to put me out of my misery!”
You: “I know! Super-gross-tastic! Seriously she should be locked inside the house & sterilised so she can’t breed.”

Keep in mind that you can’t change the way other people behave, the only thing you can change is how you react to them. If you stop encouraging them, they will stop being a turd. Instead of responding in kind, you could change the subject or you could just tell them that making remarks about other people is boring & a waste of time. They will soon learn that they can’t have the sort of conversation with you that they used to enjoy, & so they will drift away from you to other people who want to share in the hatred. It’s like having a child who throws tantrums — if you ignore it, they will stop, or try it on someone else.

Another thing you can do is establish strong boundaries. If you want to remain friends with whoever, keep in mind that they’re not going to change unless they want to. When they start being negative, tell them you’re not interested in putting up with their crap. Maybe they’ll respect the boundaries, maybe not. If they do, then that’s wonderful — if not, as above, they will move away from you. It’s a win-win situation.

You can also use the zipping up technique which I wrote about at the end of my article onAvoiding Creeps — it’s very effective. Or you could just cut contact entirely. Don’t read their emails, delete their telephone number, block them on any chat programs & stop checking their online journal. Cold turkey, baby!

For those of you who love to bitch about other people, or with friends who do, I know that some of you will be thinking, ‘Oh, but making fun of other people is great sport! It’s entertaining & mostly harmless, & it gives me an opportunity to demonstrate my sharp wit & cutting insights.’ Maybe so, but if you were actually happy with yourself, you would find something more interesting to do with your time. What’s that old saying about how no one ever carved a statue of a critic?

Maybe this sounds really cliched to you. That’s okay. You have the right to live your life however you want to, but here’s a secret tip which might make you change your mind: happiness is the best revenge!

Extra For Experts:
Angry/negative people can be bad for your brain. This article is brilliant, you should definitely read it.

The material is taken from: Gala Darling; The radical self love project.

How To Stop An Affair: Start Here

One of the biggest threats to a marriage is an affair. If you find yourself dealing with that, you need to listen to my new audio. This audio will give you some advice on how to stop an affair. Take a listen and take hope! Your marriage can be saved.

Link: http://www.marriagemoment.com/stop-an-affair.mp3

Originally posted by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D

Podcast: "I'm Sorry" Is The Starting Point -- Not The End

Too many people think "I'm sorry" is the end of a conversation. Here, I tell you why it is the beginning! Let me know what you think.

Link: http://marriagemoment.com/sorry_starts_process.mp3

Originally posted by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Podcast: "Thankfulness Can Save Your Marriage"

Here we are at Thanksgiving. So I decided to bring back a classic podcast. I've received lots of great comments about it.

How thankful are you for your marriage? Perhaps a key to happiness in marriage is nurturing the gratitude for the other person. We explore this in the podcast, Bringing Thanksgiving To Marriage.

Link: http://www.marriagemoment.com/thanksgiving_podcast.mp3

Happy listening, save your marriage ! =)

Originally Posted by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D

Change Your Attitude & Change Your Marriage

Wow! Time really flies! I can't believe how long it has been since I last posted. But I am trying to get "back in the swing."

My latest recording is about how to affect your marriage by focusing and changing your attitude. You can actually change the balance of a relationship by attending to your own attitude, and I will even tell you 4 you might adopt!

http://www.marriagemoment.com/changeattitudechangemarriage.mp3

Copy and paste the above link; enjoy learning !

It was originally posted by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D